Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
