so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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