Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
