im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
