Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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