My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
They deliver.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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