Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
