Don't you send me to vm
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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