i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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