Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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