No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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