Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
