Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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