Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so much tequila, so little girl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
