Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How's work?
Spinning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
