there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
