He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
