Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
