Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
