Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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