One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
