i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
