I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize