I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
