btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
