it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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