he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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