We're facebook friends in real life
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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