You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize