i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
