Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
