I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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