that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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