I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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