i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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