walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
