At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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