her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
