Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
