Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
