my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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