She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
