I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
