There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
