Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
