From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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