No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
