Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
