Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize