I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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