My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
