Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize