I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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