Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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