He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
