and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
