11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
