So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize