i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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