She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
