grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
