My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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