no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i would punch a child for taco bell
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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