paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
