A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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