can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize