3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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