He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
