Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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