I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
