finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
