Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
