:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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