this beer tastes like vomit already
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
