Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
