please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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