actually, I'm a sock model
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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